I don't care how many accidents he causes per day
Achieving the former is easy enough playing cards like Teferis Protection, Boros Charm, or Avacyn, Angel of Hope can mean your lands stick while everyone elses hit the bin
Zero-Touch Global Fulfillment McDonald's has a massive global supply chain
A full box opened yields roughly $150-250 in singles at current card prices, meaning you are paying $350-650 for the opening experience
Creature ramp: Solemn Simulacrum, Sakura-Tribe Elder, Wood Elves, etc
This added, and somewhat unnecessary randomness, is what stops this card from being higher on the list, but all other abilities are extremely useful, and we can see this card being a staple in mono-red aggro decks and perhaps some more aggressive Izzet decks too