Sometimes, stealing something takes it away from a player who might otherwise flicker, clone or sacrifice it
As someone who's seen a lot of episodes of that tv show where they appraise old stuff, I'll tell you exactly what each one was probably (maybe) used for
A lot of these hit really close to home, and it was only after Id been collecting these that I saw that most of these are jokes about players, not the game
I first built a Zombie deck years ago with a pile of graveyard synergies and token makers, and it quickly became the deck I reached for most often
While the two first modes speak for themselves and would already constitute a strong magic card, the last mode is more format dependent and as it stands, it is a very effective ability in the current Modern metagame
If the equipped creature isn't on the battlefield as the reflexive triggered ability granted by Dire Blunderbuss resolves but it had lifelink when it left the battlefield, you will gain life